From a girl into a woman

I wake up with a smile

Straight from the heart

The pain, the tears

Seem like a lifetime ago

I have forgiven

I am forgiving

I am moving

And growing

And learning

And breathing

And I know that

I’ve grown

From a girl into a woman

Small things no longer get to me

‘Moments’ seem more important

It’s the big picture I’m looking at

I’m trying to be more caring

More kind

Compassionate

And truthful

Just the effort signals that

I’ve grown

From a girl into a woman

I stand up for myself

Fight my own battles

Wipe my own tears

And wrestle with the demons I create

My thoughts

A whirlpool

I try and calm

I meditate

Reflect

Reanalyze

And remain--at peace

And I realize that

I’ve grown

From a girl into a woman

I write

I sing

I perform

I read

I talk

I work

I want to strive for excellence

I want to feel whole

I want to not want

I want to just BE

And I promise you that

I’ve grown

From a girl into a woman

The Smile

White powdered faces

Bright red lipstick

Coloured bindis

And a paan stained smile

Black painted eyebrows

Blood-red sindoor

Dangling earrings

And again that smile

You amaze me with your courage

Your grit

Your determination

And your will to stay on

Sold by your husband

Abused by your brothel owner

Cheated by your maalak

Raped by your client

And still you smile

The small dingy rooms

Where they buy you

Your body

But your soul

You do not let them touch

YOU

Your spirit

Untouchable

Your hope

Unwavering

Your strength

Undeterred

And that smile again

Unpretentious

Knowing

Challenging

And wise

Oh! That beautiful, radiant and magnificent smile!

GOA 2007

A polka dotted bikini

Port wine

Two glasses full

Getting drunk with him

Goan sausages

Calangute

Souza Lobo’s

Someone telling me I’m perfect :)

Krishnamurthy-the philosopher

Reading and reading

Morning, afternoon and evening

Krishnamurthy in Tito’s :)

Riding back all alone

Scared to death

Empty roads

Stupidity

A one and a half hour conversation with a close friend

About letting go, taking stands, orgasms : )

Renting bikes

Calamari with butter garlic

Morjem Beach

End of the world

And then some more

Swimming deep

Riding the waves

Photos

The bikini again

Papaya juice at german bakery

A chocolate croissant

And another chocolate croissant

Feeling free

Finally relaxed

Britto’s pork vindaloo

15 rupees wine pouches

Opening them with a fork

Drinking two at one dinner

360 ml!

Laughing till our tummies hurt

Fireworks on the beach on Christmas eve

The sky lights up

Gorgeous

So many ‘moments’

Four buses to reach the airport

Planning my Europe trip

Wondering why I don’t enjoy ‘partying’

So much time with myself

To myself

A gift

A blessing

A sign?

The best holiday I’ve had in years

I am becoming my best friend

I am..

Feeling more aware

More in the moment, and

More ALIVE!

Thank You

Thank you for ignoring my tears

It taught me that no person who makes you cry is worth it.

Thank you for haunting my dreams

I woke up today believing that bad dreams eventually go away

Thank you for twisting my arm (by mistake)

Ill never let any man physically abuse me ever

Thank you for screaming and shouting at me

It made me recognize that emotional abuse can hit you so damn hard

Thank you for the aggression, the cold silent weeks when you refused to talk

I began to realize the importance of good communication

Thank you for telling me that I smile too much

I learned that one smile can change a life

Thank you for putting me down, for telling me that I’m not good enough

It taught me to believe in myself

Thank you for making fun of all my friends

They have been there for me right through

Thank you for never standing up for me

It taught me to stand up for myself

Thank you for never caring about the hearts you’ve hurt

I’ve learned that people can be very selfish

Thank you for letting ‘fame’ get to you

I’ve learned never to make that mistake

Thank you for not wanting to be with me on weekends

I’ve learned to spend time with myself

Thank you for calling me a ‘control-freak’!

I’m working on being more easy going

Thank you for making love to me in all my innocence

It will be something ill cherish all my life

And lastly,

Thank you for walking out on me

I would have never ever let go of you otherwise