What is forgiveness?
And why is it so hard?
My battle with forgiveness stemmed from the fact that I largely misunderstood the connotations of this mysterious word
What did it mean to forgive?
Did it mean to tell someone that what they had done to you was okay? That it was okay that they had hurt or betrayed you? That it was okay that they had killed your son/brother/wife? That you would ‘forgive’ them anyway—because that’s what ‘good’ people do? It’s the ‘bad’ people who live with bitterness, resentment and anger.
I do not think forgiveness means all this.
I think forgiveness means to acknowledge what has happened, accept it, live out/feel each of the accompanying emotions, acknowledge the damage caused/lives shattered/people lost and then say “I let it be’. Forgiveness would mean to say to your perpetrator; “ Yes you did hurt me terribly, you turned my world upside down, took away what I considered most precious—and I felt anger and bitterness and hatred towards you—but now I choose to let go of all these negative emotions—I choose to be free of them. I choose to let go of my need to ‘make you realise’ what you did. I decide to carry on with my life and learn from my suffering. I choose to use the pain to become stronger and the tears to find a path of clarity. I leave you behind—and along with you I leave behind the damage you have caused.” And I think that’s what forgiveness is about—it’s about you. It’s about letting go, moving on and feeling free.
And why is it so hard?
My battle with forgiveness stemmed from the fact that I largely misunderstood the connotations of this mysterious word
What did it mean to forgive?
Did it mean to tell someone that what they had done to you was okay? That it was okay that they had hurt or betrayed you? That it was okay that they had killed your son/brother/wife? That you would ‘forgive’ them anyway—because that’s what ‘good’ people do? It’s the ‘bad’ people who live with bitterness, resentment and anger.
I do not think forgiveness means all this.
I think forgiveness means to acknowledge what has happened, accept it, live out/feel each of the accompanying emotions, acknowledge the damage caused/lives shattered/people lost and then say “I let it be’. Forgiveness would mean to say to your perpetrator; “ Yes you did hurt me terribly, you turned my world upside down, took away what I considered most precious—and I felt anger and bitterness and hatred towards you—but now I choose to let go of all these negative emotions—I choose to be free of them. I choose to let go of my need to ‘make you realise’ what you did. I decide to carry on with my life and learn from my suffering. I choose to use the pain to become stronger and the tears to find a path of clarity. I leave you behind—and along with you I leave behind the damage you have caused.” And I think that’s what forgiveness is about—it’s about you. It’s about letting go, moving on and feeling free.
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